Clome's Zone

The Clomies 2012 Edition

Here’s your final list of the best and worst in film in 2012. Also I’m giving out some special awards this year that I’m calling the Clomies. Hell yeah.

2012 was a bad year for new movies, especially big new movies. You will not be able to convince me otherwise. But there some bright spots.

FIRST - THE WORST

7. The Dark Knight Rises - What the f***, guys? 

6. The Hunger Games - Shot beyond the point of comprehensibility.

5. Argo - You think this was better than The Town? You’re crazy. You are a crazy asshole.

4. Savages - What a bummer.But there’s a scene with Benicio Del Toro and John Travolta in John Travolta’s Kitchen and it’s one of my favorite acting scenes ever. It’s a masterpiece. It’s insanity. It must have been made by pure psychopaths.

3. The Amazing Spider-Man - A bad movie. And a worse Comic Book Adaptation. I don’t remember Peter Parker crying this much.

2. Lock Out - High Hopes dashed by obscene cinematography and action obscuring editing.

1. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance - I love you Nick, but this was worse than Season of the Witch, Bitch.

And here’s my Favorites -

11. MAGIC MIKE

A big inspiration. The Saturday Night Fever of 2012. The Marriage of Tatum and Soderbergh is a beautiful thing.

10. Silver Linings Playbook

I love how David O Russell directs family scenes and I love seeing DeNiro tearing shit up right here. Vibrant Living.

9. Cloud Atlas

Believe me. This one is a big surprise. I expected to hate this big mess. But it’s not a mess. It’s this incredibly engaging, super corny sweeping TV-movie epic. It’s dumb but’s its ambitions are big and the fact that it works as a movie despite the fact that none of these pieces should be put together in one movie? Well that’s what does it for me.  And Tom Hanks is amazing in it.

8. Prometheus

My pipe dream sequel is Noomi and Michael traveling the universe searching out the Engineers, exploring strange new worlds, seeking out new life, new civilizations, boldly going and discovering the engineer home planet where Arnold Schwarzenegger plays the King. The King of the engineer.

7. Chronicle

Best Superhero movie this year. Good Performance by a young a Leo Dicarprio.

Follow it up with the Iron Lady. The un-sung Camp Classic of 2012.

6. Django Unchained

Wish it had been longer.

5. BERNIE

Watch it with your family

4. That’s My Boy

If you meet someone who actually saw this movie, they will tell you it was hilarious. A big beautiful celebration of all the losers and weirdoes and ugly folk. The beauty here is the reactions. Some of the jokes are clunkers, but the characters reactions to every line is priceless.

3. Titanic 3D

2. John Carter (of Mars)

The return of the great adventure film. They don’t make em like this anymore. Too bad nobody saw it.

1. LINCOLN

Beautiful. Thrilling History.  Heartbreaking-ly wonderful. A truly big Hollywood Movie in the best way possible. This stands head and shoulder above every other flick on this list. It’s a new favorite. My only regret is I haven’t seen it again.

Runner-ups and Honorable Mentions -

The Turin Horse, Holy Motors, Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie, Act of Valor, Looper

Turin Horse and Holy Motors were incredible movie-going experiences, but I would be a liar if I said they were favorites. 

Act of Valor is kind of terrifying, but it’s really facsinating. No Apologies, straight up  Propaganda.  Terrible but insanely earnest and absurd acting. Lots of Great Beards.

I may watch Zero Dark Thirty again. Maybe I’ll double feature it with Act of Valor.

Special Note on The Master. I think the first half of The Master up untill they get off the boat is filmmaking beyond any movie I saw this year. And it’s incredible. I could have watched that Department store sequence for another hour. But after that it dissapointed me so much that I can’t lose that feeling of disappointment. Moments of true beauty, but it’s left me bitter.

I promise I’ll update this with my Clomies for Best Acting.